From the first day freshman year, I swore that she would be mine...

One of the most memorable nights of my college career… well actually I take that back because I only remember about the first two hours of this story, but anyway. It was my first semester at school, in December and I needed some, and there was one girl in particular I had in mind.

I was on a mission, and little to my knowledge was that I had been on this mission since the first day of school. At our school, every freshman gets a peer mediator and they are thrown into a group with a lot of people you don’t know. This is usually the weekend before classes start, so it’s pretty much the fist opportunity to scope out the babes. I walk in the room look around and think to myself, where are all the bitches at? I take a seat in the back of the room and about two minutes later, this brunette walks in goes to the back of the room and sits next to me. Let me describe this girl for you so you can get a visual and get a little bon bon for yourself. She is about 5’8” skinny as a twig with huge tits -- hot with two “t”s. Everyone knows a girl who is like this and they are usually appropriately named Tits on sticks or something like that (I just call them hot). At the very moment that she sits down, I make a vow that by the end of the semester, she will be mine.

I later find out that she’s in two of my classes but I decide to play it cool and just put out the vibe (haha… meaning I’m too big of a pussy to talk to hot girls). But almost as if it were fate, I get paired up with this girl to do a project. At first I was like “YES this will be AWESOME” then about two seconds later, I get hit with a brick in the face when my mind says “you are short, tubby and a fuckin dork.” So what’s a guy like me to do in a situation like this? Play it cool and put out the vibe (duh). So a few days later she comes over and we get working on the project. She pretty much did the whole thing while I stared at her boobs. When it was time to present, I come in hungover, and at that point in my life it was rare to still be hungover at 3 pm, but when you throw up at the bar into a pitcher, you know the next morning won’t be lollipops and daisies. So I get through the presentation and my buddies in the class ask me if I had just smoked because I said some funny shit during that presentation … I wish I had it on tape.

The next weekend is my birthday and I’m psyched that I can finally get into an 18+ bar. So I go down to my friend’s place with a couple of my boys. We walk over to the bar after we put down a few, and the place is dead. We were literally the only ones there so we grab a seat and a couple of pitchers. After about 20 minutes people start rollin in. I am absolutely loving bars at this point and they get even cooler to me as I see TheGirl walk in. My confidence level was rising with my BAC so I decide to go over and actually start up a conversation with her instead of just putting out the vibe. GOOD MOVE. I say “hey, how’s it goin?”

She looks over and is actually happy to see me. She says, “you’re the only guy I know here.” So we go back to my booth and just start talking. After about an hour of that (YES I said HOUR because Im a loser and when girls wanna talk, I listen), we get up and I head over to the dance floor where two girls that I know are dancing. I get my weiner rubbed by these girls asses for a while and I see TheGirl dancing and she looked sexay, but I didn’t see her again the rest of the night. But after we all head out of tillys to make our way home, one of the girls I was dancing with holds up TheGirl’s ID and says “hey, I found this girls ID, I think it’s the one you were talking to tonight.”

I replied “Yea it is and I will give it to her when I see her in class.” I take the ID, go home, and I get online that night and I tell TheGirl that I have it. The ID was key in getting my dick wet with this girl because she wanted me after I did a good deed.

We start hangin out once in a while and I enjoy the company but I’m still getting no action, so one night I decided I was going to get smashed up because I am done with finals and have nothing to do for the next two days. So I get my buddy to buy me a liter of captain and I get after it. TheGirl IMs me and asks me what I’m doing because she is bored. I invite her over and she starts getting after it too. After the bottle was done I was pretty fucked up and she had about 2 rum and cokes so for a skinny girl I guess that’s all it takes. So she asks me if she can sleep over. I said no and never talked to her again.

HAHA u got served. Of course I let her sleep over.

She climbs up in my bed and I’m getting ready to hop in when I hear “blewehhdhah!” TheGirl threw up on the side of my bed. I throw a box of tissues at her and say “throw up in here.” I’m fucking pissed. More pissed that I wasn’t getting any play than about her ruining my sheets.

I say, “you know your cleaning that in the morning.” I get her cleaned up and make her brush her teeth with my old toothbrush. I throw an old pillow over where she puked and made her lay on that side. She starts stripping and it was awesome. She gets down to her underwear and says “don’t you wanna do anything?”

To that I reply “ yes I would love to but maybe in the morning when I’m not shithoused or pissed off that a girl puked all over the side of my bed. Let’s get some sleep and we can fuck tomorrow morning.” I turn over close my eyes and begin passing out when I feel her hand creep down to the one eyed big guy, so I say fuck it, I put on a smile and I get the job done. One word… Perfect tits.

The next morning I wake her up and say “time to clean my sheets” so I walk with her to the laundry room and she throws everything in the wash. We get back and lay down on my bare bed and she pulls the same routine, needless to say I was pleased. Whenever I tell this story some jerkoff always says “eww man u fucked a girl that was throwin up 20 minutes before” and to that I respond “She fucked me!”