I bled for the rest of the night, since alcohol impedes your ability to clot.

Well, as most college students have concluded, any story that begins with "well, we were drinking..." is bound to be a good one. So, bearing that in mind, the last day of classes for second semester of freshman year rolled around and, well, we were drinking.

As is to be expected, there were a plethora (that’s a surplus for all the college students) of parties through which we could stumble. One party that seemed like it would be the wildest and most attended was the so-called Moat Party at the Chi Psi house. For the uninitiated, a Moat Party is simply that--a makeshift moat, which is nothing more than a long. above-ground pool, is placed in front of the house. And, if you desired entry to the house, you had to cross the moat, where many inebriated partiers had decided to raise considerable hell. As a side note, the moat water was absolutely wretched and, as I later found out, a used condom, was among the items fished out the following day.

So the scene was set and my buddies and I showed up drunk as all shit (well, I may only be speaking for myself, but you get the picture). After about an hour, I had an ingenious idea to go play in the moat. My buddy, Carl, and I walked over to the moat and up the ramp to cross it, with the intention of taking the plunge. The ramp was about a foot and a half off the water, which was fine; however, I soon discovered that the moat was much shallower than previously supposed. And since I wanted to show-boat a bit, I decided to belly-flop into the moat in my drunken stupor and upon falling in, I immediately smacked my dome on the shallow bottom, splitting my scalp open and causing me to bleed profusely, which in turn caused Carl and the other witnesses to shit a collective brick.

With my protests that I was fine and didn't need stitches, I proceeded to bleed for the rest of the night, since alcohol impedes your blood’s ability to clot. I even caught the ending act of Zoso, a Led Zeppelin cover band as they were starting “Stairway.”

All in all, an eventful end to freshman year, and thankfully that damned moat water didn't give me herpes or some shit.