I awoke the next morning with a hangover and a 70-dollar IHOP tab

Back when I was a pledge, my frat bros and I took a road trip to Texas Tech for the annual “Kalf-Fry” that the Tech chapter of my frat helps throw every year. Being a pledge at the time, I was naturally conscripted to drive while members pounded beers and played cards to pass the time. We took my friend’s Hummer because it’s cool and because you can run over/through anything. I had never driven a Hummer before and let me tell you, it’s not as fun as it might sound.

The damn thing has a top speed of 75 mph and guzzles diesel like the tank that it is. It probably didn’t help that I has smoked out before the trip and never have liked driving high. After running over a few curbs, stopping for diesel every hour and narrowly missing oncoming traffic, we arrived in Lubbock in time for the evening event--a concert in the stadium.

We were told by our Tech chapter brothers that we had missed all the real fun and the kegs of beer we had been promised were all floated. Opting to make the best of the situation, we began downing the 3-dollar beers provided at the stadium. Now, I never have been a huge country music fan, but a few beers and I was wailing Texas tunes with the best of them. At some point, one of my frat bros handed me a xan-bar and I popped it, not thinking twice. As the night wore on I began to feel bitter at having paid 15 bucks to get half-drunk and I decided to steal an event shirt in an act of vengeance.

Unfortunately, I grabbed an XXL and ended up ditching the shirt. When the concert was over we fought our way through the crowds and made it back to the Hummer. Rather than letting ourselves be stuck in the massive pile-up of cars leaving the stadium, my friend off-roaded it and we beat the crowd. Everything from there is a blur as the bars and beers finally caught up to me. I vaguely recall having to pull some drunk guy off the roof of the Hummer and getting hopelessly lost in suburbia while trying to find the guy’s house we were crashing at. I awoke the next morning with a hangover and a 70-dollar IHOP tab in my pocket. Apparently I bought dinner for eight people.

Overall it was a waste of a night and we drove back to Waco that morning with less than fond memories of Kalf-Fry.