lying on the beer and urine soaked floor of the truck trying to find some fresh air

During my senior year, several of my friends were getting hitched. You know how it goes, after the first one, it doesn't take long for many more to follow suit.

Out of all the bachelor parties that I attended that year, one really stands out. Bob’s two older brothers agreed to be the designated drivers for the evening, but we had about 15 people and not enough vehicles. So, we ended up renting a Ryder moving truck for the night.

When they showed up at our house, we loaded a few couches, chairs, and of course the keg, and proceeded down the interstate 20 miles to a strip club.

There weren’t any lights in the back of the truck, and the ventilation was horrible. Yet, despite this, someone thought it would be a good idea to light a pack of “jumping jacks” fireworks.

It created a panicked scene. The smoke was overwhelming, the noises were startling to say the least and to top it all off, the couch caught on fire! We quickly sprung into action furiously pumping the keg to produce enough beer to (hopefully) extinguish the flames. Someone even went as far as urinating on the fire. All of our efforts were met with minimal success as the couch continued to burn.

There we were, 15 guys in the back of a Ryder truck full of noxious smoke, barely able to breathe. We pounded on the cab, but Bob's brothers couldn't hear us. So, we spent the last 5 miles of the trip lying on the beer and urine soaked floor of the truck trying to find some fresh air.

When we finally arrived, the drivers unlocked the back and rolled the door open. Clouds of thick smoke poured out as we crawled/ fell out into the parking lot--all of us hacking, some of us puking.

And the craziness definitely did not let up as the night progressed. Some of the highlights...

One of the strippers was lactating (with milk oozing from both of her breasts) all over the stage.

One of the strippers was so great that we sang the "Star Spangled Banner" for her and gave her a standing ovation when she returned to pick up her tips.

My couch ended up in the river somehow. It was OK by me, however. It had been so badly burnt in the fire that I wouldn't have used it anyhow.

Bob broke one of his brother’s ribs with the bowling ball and chain that we had given him as a “ball & chain” gag gift.

It wasn't quite Very Bad Things, but it was close.